E-dating - this Hit the nail on the head

Dating isn’t what it used to be, said Art Benson, director of
sales for Telepublishing International. Benson, whose company’s
personal ads appear in more than 800 newspapers nationally and
online, said societal changes have impacted socializing.

"Everybody’s busy and working," he said. "It’s a whole different
world now. In the ’70s and ’80s, you never would have seen a
Trojan (prophylactic) advertisement on TV, but now you do.
It’s not just dating, it’s everywhere."

Kristin Kelly, senior director of public relations at Match.com
in Dallas, said technology has dramatically changed socializing.

"When you look at our parents and grandparents, the way they met
other people was by virtue of the town they grew up in," she
said. "Now we’re much more transient than we used to be. People
end up in new cities and places and they’re without a social circle."

Both Kelly and Benson said today’s singles have much less free
time than in the past.

"Everything we do with our time is much more compressed,"
Kelly said. "Most of our lives are static. You get up, you go
to the gym, you go to work and you come home. You get into a
rhythm and you don’t always get exposed to new people."

Benson said some people who become jaded with traditional
dating turn to online dating. According to Kelly, Match.com
alone has 15 million registered users and 60,000 new members
joining every day, while "niche" Web sites like Jdate.com
(which caters to Jewish singles) and Catholicmatch.com have
garnered more attention.

Kelly said online dating offers the opportunity to meet
people outside of your daily routine.

"The ability to have a large volume of people over a wide
geographic area is what makes online dating popular," she
said. "Even in an area that’s somewhat isolated like McAllen,
there may be people who live there who can find 200 new
people in McAllen and Kingsville by searching within a
100-mile radius. That’s the beauty of online dating;
it exponentially increases possibilities."

Local residents have different opinions about the Rio
Grande Valley social scene and why they use e-dating.

Baltimore native Jenn Blair said meeting singles has been
difficult since moving to the Valley more than a year ago.

"I work the night shift," said Blair, a registered nurse
at Rio Grande Regional Hospital. "I’m not big into the bar
scene, and it’s difficult to find people in my age group.
There are few people in their upper 20s or lower 30s that
are single around here."

Blair said she joined a singles ministry at her church,
but hasn’t met anyone she wants to date.

Mike Heinz, who attends the same singles group as Blair,
said he joined the group last year because he wanted to
meet people outside of work.

"I moved here just over a year ago," said Heinz, who works
for Copy Express, a legal and corporate copy service. "The
people I was meeting were attorneys, or attorney’s assistants,
or worked at the court house. I joined (the singles ministry)
simply to meet people not in the legal industry."

Both Heinz and Blair said the Valley lacks places for singles
to "hang out" that aren’t bars. They also said culture and
language sometimes get in the way.

"With the culture down here, people marry very young," Blair
said. "There’s few single people my age here in the Valley."

However, Willacy County resident David Rios said he thinks
many people don’t seize every opportunity to meet others.

"There’s not a lack of places to meet people (in the Valley),"
he said. "There’s a plethora of places to meet people. It’s
just recognizing and utilizing them. Leave no resource untapped."

Blair said that she has had some success with e-dating.

"I think that in today’s society the Internet has given us
better chance to meet someone who is more what we want because
they might not be in our back yard," she said. "They might be
in Oklahoma or wherever."

However, there are trade-offs.

Some sites like eHarmony do not represent all lifestyles,
Benson said. The service E-Harmony only allows men seeking
women and women seeing men, and that’s not what the whole
population is," he said. "You don’t use eHarmony just to
find friends. They market it as, ‘We’ll help you find your soulmate.’ "

Benson said filling out a personality profile doesn’t always
help you find a match.

"For some reason people think more is better, but if I find
out way too much about you, what’s the appeal?" he said.

Signing up for Internet matchmaking services can also cost
time and money. Creating a profile on Match.com can take
45 minutes to an hour’s worth of careful consideration,
while eHarmony uses a 436-question "personality profile"
to find compatible matches. Prices vary from $13 to $50 a
month, depending on the provider.

Heinz said he isn’t interested in using online services.

"A number of years ago, I tried one of those things," he
said, referring to Internet personal ads. "I didn’t like
it. It was too impersonal and it required time. It’s not
really worthwhile."

While Rios has used e-dating for three years and said it’s
a good way to meet people, it still leaves something to be
desired.

"There’s no passion in Internet dating," he said. "A lot
of the girls on the Internet are very much focused on
getting married. There’s nothing personal there. It’s
lacking that intimacy."

Heinz said he doesn’t think finding love online is probable.

"As far as meeting somebody on the Internet, it takes to
long to get to know them that way," he said. "You never
really know them until you meet them. If people that truly
know you can’t put you together with someone successfully,
how can the Internet?"

Whatever method you choose, Benson said to be realistic.

"There’s no way you can know somebody just from their
profile," he said. "You don’t get to know somebody until
you spend time with them. On paper, they could be a perfect
match, but when you talk to them, you might figure out
there’s nothing there."

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source: Kate Lohnes covers features and entertainment for The Monitor. You can reach her at (956) 683-4427.